Diet Humor

Waitress: "And what would madam like for dessert?" Customer: "Three scoops of double chocolate chip real cream ice cream, one scoop of banana and two of vanilla-covered in chocolate fudge sauce ..." Waitress: "And would madam like a few cherries on the top?" Customer: "No thank you, I'm on a diet."


I've been on the Valium diet for eight and a half years now. If you take enough Valium it'll help you lose weight. It doesn't really curb your appetite, but most of your food falls on the floor.

Try the new Italian Pasta Diet - it really Works!!
1. You walka pasta da bakery.
2. You walka pasta da candy store.
3. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.
4. You walka pasta da table and pasta da fridge.
5. You just walka and walka fasta and fasta.
6. See ... now you thina from all that pasta!!

There's a new Chinese diet. Order all the food you want but use only one chopstick.

I eat when I'm depressed and I eat when I'm happy. When I can't decide whether I'm tired or hungry I make the decision while I'm eating.